i alwes knew wat u wanted... i jz pretended i didn't know anything.. but silently i was giving u wat u wanted.. bt i guez.. u're jz too blinded by emotions tt u cudn't see it at all.. it's alright.. it's over now anyways... stop crying now sha.. let's move on alrite.. tings will get better i truly hope.. i still hav faith.. wells.. an impromtu outing wit ira & ani got me impromtu tix to GENTING!! like.. OMG!! lolx!! i guez.. i reali nid tt getaway frm all e chaos-ness arn me... Let's go gerls & run away frm our prob & heartaches for awhile.. Leave it all behind & jz hav funn!! & out of all tt, i accidentally met MiMII!! ouuu very e misss himmmm!!! we talked & laughed & of coz bitched like we used to!! so funn!!! i realli misss him!! thr was no awkward silence at all!! i guezz our friendship & chemistry nvr dies.. eventhou it's been ages since i last saw him!! miii.. i wan ur super muscular arms cann??? & cn we go bungee tog agen plz!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heheeee!! Let's meet again plzzz!! i miss bitching wit u!! heh.. =))) So GENTING here i come!!! =))

Rain rain go away & dun come bck.. I hate e rain cz it remind me e times u went thru e rain jz to get me.. E times wen we went thru e rain tog.. Shivering yet laughing happily abt it due to e sudden downpour on e road.. E times u bravely sacrified ur raincoat jz make sure I stay dry. & thr was even once I insisted u wear e top n I wear e bottom.. & I looked damn silly cz e pants was super high waisted.. Hohohoo.. E times wen we get upset cz we cudn't go beaching tog cz of e weather or do wat we've planned for.. E days u cuddle mr so tight or gimme ur jacket so i wun get e flu bug & these are usually e days too tt I usually get worried sick for ur safety on e roads.. I wished I had e powers for us to relive those moments.. I'm sorry tt I dun hav e courage & strength to fight for u anymore.. ESP wit e presence of sumone else significant in ur life.. Rain rain plz go away...

I woke up crying tdy.. Cz I realized my nightmare was true... I'm still trying to digest in everything tt happened last nite... Nvr will I forget 1 nov.. E day it all ended... Officially n finally.. Jz as I started to appreciate e stalkings, it's nw gone forever.. He once again made a decision for us.. He wasn't strong enuff to fight for our much complicated love.. I no longer blame him.. I understand tt a man has limitations.. It's jz a pity tt his love for me had a limitation as well.. Thank u for being thr & for explaining things honestly.. I wish u all e happiness & love in e world.. May u find someone who cud giv u true happiness & make u deeply in love like u once made me feel.. Go now.. & dun look bck.. I'll survive tiz wave.. Insyallah.. Sumday.. Sumhow... I'll find ways to heal me... To find again my lost sunshine..& put together my broken soul.. It's jz a pity tt u wun b dre to help me do it again.. Like u use to.. It's time for me to walk tiz journey alone..

I dun even noevwhw n whr to begin... Even e happiest songs in e world makes me cry... Let alone e sad oness.. N nw u're asking me to write nice tings abt u???? Wat to I say??? Ou u were so special tt I cry myself to slp every night for u??? Or tt u're so nice tt I can't seems to move on & is looking damn pathetic??? Wat do u wan me to say??? I dun have e words other than DAMN U!!!! Bloody f*** ing damn u!! I'm all drained emotionally.. Mentally... & physically... N thr u are being sumone else's bf bt still hav e cheeck to find me n try to explain tings??? Wat cud thr possibly be??? Sori I jz can't hold back my bitchy words... Cz I'm jz damn angry at everything n anything... Damn u for still hanging & fooling arn!! It wasn't enuff for u to jz break my heart isn't it?? It wasn't satisfying rite??? I Noe I've done a gd share of being a bitch to u too bt... U jz had to con'd doing it rite??? again & again!! E feeling is gd isn't it seeing me finally suffering???? Cz all tiz while I kept my sorrows to myself.. Ttz y I said... DAMN U!!! Jz damn u... Argh!!! U made e decision to finally leave jz as wen I wanted to heal n go bck.. Nw will u jz go!!!! I told u I lost!! I damn f*** ing lost!! Suffering alrite!! Wat else do u wan??? I dun wan to hear anymore of ur overused reasons!! I've heard it all b4!! Jz go away!! So far away so I wun feel ur presence anymore! DAMN U!!!

A 2 long yrs of rejections, harshness n sufferings was compared to a 3 months long of loneliness & 'lost-ness'.. Hmm... & crying everytime was compared to crying everywhere..

Which do u tink is more painful?? Y dun we put up a poll on tt ask them to vote... Bt does it even matter anymore?? Plz jz go & build a new blissful relationship wit ur gf.

Remember all the things we wanted  

Now all our memories, they're haunted  

We were always meant to say goodbye  

Even with our fists held high  

It never would've worked out right  

We were never meant for do or die    

~Already Gone, Kelly Clarkson.

i can feel dearest depression creeping in.. slowly back into my life.. the lights of my life.. are starting to flicker.. and my faith is once again shaking.. in no time it'll rule my everything..

i am fully aware that i hav to fight tiz war alone.. but i can't seems to fight tiz war anymore.. the aftermath is eating me inside out.. i no longer have the strength to pull it all together.. every air i gasp i take seems breathless.

i don't quite noe whr to begin fixing tiz shattered soul.. *i can't fix wat u broke..

hopefully.. i can still overcome all tiz one day..

i jz nid time.. & forget e world for a moment..

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Thank u strawberry for being thr for me.. Syygg kau sgt! Haixx *hugs on e othr side.. Tt lil' sweet sis of mine said she nided to find l0 million fireflies n a rainbow to light me up again... Haixx she truly Noe hw I feel thou I dun say a werd to her.. Haixx.. So young yet so sweet.. Ttz y too she's my best fren.. My best shopping buddy n will one day (if thr's an opportunity) be my bridesmaid... Truly blessed to hav her arn.. Her presence n her 'wise' words have been amazingly comforting all tiz while.. ILY lil' sis... I hope I revive frm tiz storm soon.. I reali hope I cn.. Will u help me?? Will u take my hand n help me stand again?? Will u help me find my sunshine again??? I seem to hav lost it along e way... Afterall.. I shud b hapi tt he's hapi rite??

I nid a shoulder to cry on n a hug badly(a real one)... I dun nid words I jz nid a listening ear... I'm alwes thr as a helping hand to dry away ppl's tears n console them n giv them advices wen they nid my professional help.. Bt I tink they forgot tt I'm ONI human n I too nid a pillar to lean on... Dissapointment fills my heart.. No one seems to understand wat I wan... Haix... It's alritee...

& ttz y I said he cudn't see my shattered soul coz all he ever do is to Kip smashing it.. I tink he's enjoying it... Well den.. Enjoy it till it last..

sori i dun entertain silence.. boringsss.. yawnzzz. sori for my harsh honesty.. jz a piece of my mind. esp those repeated silence.. ahhh... u better hav a reason for tt. jz so u noe.. wen im irritated.. i can get real rude. wellz, ttz jz me.. like it or hate it. & ohh! i dun usually say sorry for tings i tink is right. *peace!